What have you been busy with? You don't have any kids!

Before I start, I should say that this post isn't directed at anybody or as a result of any particular incident. It really was my sister's Facebook status that triggered my thinking today. Then I signed on to read blogs this morning, and saw that Shell at Things I Can't Say had posted her weekly Pour Your Heart Out and I just felt like it was time to say that thing I can't say... 

My sister Lucy volunteers as a weekly visitor to an elderly woman who is essentially stuck at home with no regular visitors. Lucy refers to this woman as "my old lady" and she has great affection for her. Anyway, Lucy posted this as her Facebook status yesterday:

Today my old lady mocked me when I told her I'd been busy and said "What have you been busy with? You don't have any kids! It's just you and your husband!" Now I could handle that comment from someone who works, raises kids, and goes to school, but that was harsh coming from someone who looks out her window and watches local news all day.

First, Lucy and I have similar senses of humor and similar ways of communicating, and her status clearly has an element of sarcasm. But behind the sarcasm is that nugget of truth, that little dig that sticks and leads to the posting of the status (or reposting on a blog). What struck me about her status is the idea that without children, I am somehow not busy... or my time isn't as valuable.

When I start my new job next week, my concept of "busy" will change. I'll have an eleven hour day including my commute. I'm starting a student services program from scratch so I'm sure I will be doing eighteen things at once - "building the plane while I fly it" so to speak. Dinner will still have to be made, workouts will still have to be completed, blogs will still need to be written - because my sisters say so - and laundry will need to be folded. I'll be busy.

But right now, I'm at home and I don't have kids. This doesn't mean I'm not busy. Our house didn't unpack itself after our move. The walls didn't go to Lowe's and pick out their own paint and put it on themselves. Our groceries don't magically show up. I can't exactly drive-thru the DMV to get my Wisconsin license and register the cars. My scrapbooks are gorgeous for a reason. Heck, even though I don't clean my house, the cleaning fairies didn't just show up one day - I had to make calls, schedule appointments, meet with people, check references, etc. And throwing on some Shape-ups while I run errands isn't going to get me the workout I want or need.

I'm busy.

I understand parents are busy, but I am too. What I am busy doing may seem frivolous or unimportant when compared with raising a child, but it's my choice and it's my luxury because I chose not to have kids right away. I wanted to go to school, establish a career, and build a nest egg. I wanted to visit a baseball stadium on whim or take a last-minute vacation when I got stressed out. I wanted to be able to move across the country for a great job opportunity (for my husband or me) and not have to worry about moving kids and switching schools.

I am more than okay with my choice not have kids at this point in my life because I love the life that I have. I love that I can spend my day cropping pictures and picking out scrapbook papers. I love that I can spend hours grocery shopping and trying out a new recipe for dinner. I love that I can read a book cover to cover in one afternoon. I love that I can spend quality time with my husband. I love that I can do the things I want to do.

What I don't love is having my choices trivialized. I don't love being called selfish. I don't love that I'm viewed as superficial. I don't love that my time and how I spend it is not viewed as important or worthwhile. I don't love that my worth as a woman is measured by raising children.

Most of all, I don't love that it's socially acceptable for everyone - working moms, stay-at-home dads, and even old ladies - to verbally pass judgment on how I spend my time, and it's proper etiquette for me to keep my mouth shut and take it.