It's the hottest fires that make the hardest steel

Do you remember the Super Bowl commercials from this year? I only remember one:

I lived in Michigan for three years, and my years there overlapped with the bankruptcies of Chrysler and GM. I got goosebumps when this commercial directly addressed the critics, the politicians, and the American public when it notes that story you've heard about Detroit and about the American auto companies was "written by folks who have never even been here."

My husband and I were directly affected by the turmoil in the auto companies, and we knew many families who were affected as well. I can't describe how incredibly stressful that experience was. Well, maybe I can describe it: It was pure hell.

I'm not going to detail all that I felt, and all the BS I heard from people I counted on to support my husband and me while we were going through one of the most difficult experiences of our lives. At least not today. And frankly, I don't want to hear your opinions about it either - unless you were there, you'll never fully grasp how devastating those Congressional hearings and newspaper stories and backhanded comments really were.

Instead, I want to honor the sentiment of that commercial and show you the Detroit you haven't seen, what the newspapers didn't show you...

What a city that has been to hell and back knows about the finer things in life.

What I love about these pictures are not the pretty flowers, although I do love the pretty flowers. No, it's where I found these beautiful flowers...

... In the shadow of the General Motors headquarters.

I don't remember seeing these images on the news, do you?

I didn't especially enjoy living in Michigan, but it's a part of who I am. I learned a lot about myself from the experience, just like I learned a lot from being a housewife in Charlotte. The lessons were quite different though.

Charlotte taught me about marriage and partnership. Michigan taught me economics and politics.

Charlotte reminded me to cherish my friends and family who I didn't get to see very often. Michigan reminded me of who I could count on when the going got tough.

Charlotte helped me acknowledge my weaknesses. Michigan helped me find strength I didn't know I had.

But most of all, Michigan taught me to be resilient. Like the auto companies, and the people who worked for them or with them, I went through hell and back in Michigan. I was damaged certainly, but not broken. And like the city of Detroit, I knew that despite the turmoil I experienced, there was something beautiful growing inside me that I would would one day uncover.

Charlotte gave me time to heal. Charlotte helped me find the beauty.

Now that I'm in Milwaukee, I'm ready to incorporate those lessons I learned from Michigan and Charlotte. I'm not the same person I was when I last lived in Milwaukee. Or maybe I am the same person, but now I just understand who this person is.

I am strong. I am passionate. I am intelligent. I am flawed. I am compassionate. I am an educator, a social worker, and a new kind of housewife. I make my own rules.

It's not you, it's me

Charlotte, I'm breaking up with you. But it's not you, it's me.

You've been a great home for the last year and a half. You've taught me a lot about myself and about my interests and goals. We definitely had a lot of fun - I loved the Whitewater Center and the Lazy 5 Ranch and all the awesome restaurants. I loved my country club, my tennis lessons, and my water aerobics classes. I love that it's 75 degrees in the middle of February. You made me very, very happy.

But I miss my family and I miss my friends, and so it's time for me to move back to Wisconsin. I'm sure the first time I am forced to shovel, I'll be longing for a southern snowstorm instead, but the weather isn't enough of a reason for me to stay.

Hopefully we can stay friends and I can visit you again, and maybe someday you'll be my home again. I'll miss you, and you'll always have a special place in my heart.

Love,
The Real Housewife of Charlotte Milwaukee

Put my money where my mouth is

On my one-year anniversary of moving to Charlotte, I reflected on how I'd changed during my year of being a housewife in Charlotte. In that post, I noted that my priorities had shifted and that I didn't think I'd ever move again to benefit my career unless I was certain my husband would benefit as well. I've told my husband something similar many times, and have also told him that if an amazing career opportunity presents itself to him and we have to move again, I will support him 100% and follow him wherever he goes.

Well, it may be time to put my money where my mouth is.

I have not been offered a job anywhere else, but I did just start a job in Charlotte. My husband, on the other hand, was offered a job in Wisconsin where we used to live. It's an exciting opportunity for him, and one that seems to be a natural fit for his skills and experience and personality. I couldn't be happier for him or more proud of him.

It couldn't be worse timing for me.

As I mentioned before, my job isn't my dream job, or even especially challenging. It is a job, however, and I like what I'm doing. And I'm very good at it. The thought of leaving my job after just a few weeks, of starting the job hunting process over again, of potentially being a housewife again ... it's a little overwhelming. I'm not sure that I want to do it again.

And I hate snow. It was 60 degrees here on Wednesday. I doubt that will happen in January in Wisconsin.

My husband is not happy in his job here, and I don't blame him. He's taken quite a few hits and he's frankly outgrown his job. He deserves better and he's earned the opportunity that he's been offered in Wisconsin. Even if we decide to stay in Charlotte, I doubt he'll stay at his company. I don't want him to stay there. But that opens up a door of even more unknowns because we don't know when he'll find something new and if he'll even like it if he does.

But I just started my job.

But we would be closer to family and friends which is very appealing.

But I love Charlotte. There I said it. I love Charlotte. Charlotte has been good for me. Granted, this may all change now that I'm not strictly a housewife, but thus far, I'm still enjoying my life in Charlotte.

I don't know what it will be like in Wisconsin this time around. I don't know if I'll have a job, or if I'll be satisfied being a housewife in Wisconsin until I can find a job. I know I won't have my country club, but I will have other things that I don't have here, like my family and friend's houses to go visit instead.

My husband and I have a lot to think about and talk about this weekend.

Date night at Vida

Greetings from a snowy Charlotte!

We have a snow day today and it's a legitimate snow day, not a fake southern snowstorm. Now, if this was happening in the Midwest, it would be business as usual - it's predicted to be 2-4 inches with some freezing rain this afternoon. Thankfully, this is Charlotte and people in Charlotte freak out when they see the white stuff falling from the sky so I'm getting a paid holiday. Hooray!

And hooray for you because you get a Monday morning blog.

I had a great weekend. I didn't do much, but I did get to hang out with my husband a lot. In fact, we went on a date. In fact, he asked me out on a date. Saturday morning, while we were driving back from the gym, my husband asked, "Can I take you out to dinner tonight?"

My husband and I go out on a lot of "dates" in that we go out to dinner a lot, but these dates usually originate with "I don't feel like cooking. Let's go out." I think that is a lot different than my husband actually asking me to go out. I don't care how long I've been married, I will always like being asked out on a date.

We went to Vida Mexican Kitchen y Cantina in the Epicentre in Uptown Charlotte. I love Mexican food, and after living in Michigan which had absolutely NO Mexican food, I appreciate any decent attempts at authentic Mexican cuisine. My husband is generally not a fan, but he's lived with me long enough that I've convinced him that he does like it despite twenty-some years of evidence to the contrary.

Vida definitely exceeded my expectations. Typical of restaurants in the Epicentre, the restaurant itself looked upscale which adds to the total dining experience. They offer tableside guacamole which was great. At first, I thought it needed more salt, but after our waiter brought us a fresh batch of tortilla chips, I realized it was the chips and not the guacamole that needed seasoning. We also shared a red chile chicken chopped salad, which was good but nothing special, and chicken tinga, which was outstanding. It's chicken and chorizo simmered in tomatoes that created a spicy stew that we ate with tortillas. Y-U-M. After one bite I told my husband that I had to learn how to make it, and my mouth is watering just thinking about it. We also shared a mango crisp which is exactly like apple crisp but with mango, and that makes it even better. The service was okay - not awesome, but it didn't detract from the overall meal - but the food definitely made up for it. Plus, the prices weren't outrageous. I'm told this place has excellent tequila and margaritas, but we didn't try anything. Maybe next time!

I highly recommend checking this place out - I think it's one of my favorite restaurants in Charlotte, and I like a lot of Charlotte restaurants. Make a reservation though (the restaurant is on Open Table) if you're going on a Friday or Saturday night because it gets crowded - probably because it's a great place to go on a date.

Charlotte Arts: The Nutcracker

One of my favorite Christmas memories is going to see The Nutcracker. I remember getting dressed up and going to see the ballet every year when I was little. I also remember falling asleep a few times, but I was four or five years old... can you blame me?
My husband and I have continued the tradition of seeing The Nutcracker before Christmas. We don't go every year, but we try to see it as often as we can. Each ballet company and orchestra uses different choreography and arrangements, so every time we see it, it's like new!

Last night we went to see the North Carolina Dance Theatre's production, and it was wonderful. They were accompanied by the Charlotte Symphony Orchestra, and they were truly fantastic. Of course, I'm a sucker for a great orchestra. The performance included professional dancers, of course, but also used ballet students from the community, so there were lots of adorable children too.

This was my first experience with the arts in Charlotte and I was not disappointed. I am, however, disappointed in myself for not seeing any other shows before last night. Charlotte offers a range of options, from orchestra to dance, and community theatre to professional touring companies. I love the arts and I need to do a much better job of supporting them, especially in my new home!

Thanks to the NC Dance Theatre and the Charlotte Symphony Orchestra for their introduction to the Charlotte performing arts. I'll be back soon, I promise!

A Southern Snowstorm

I'm attempting to blog from my Blackberry today, so please forgive me in advance for the numerous typos and weird page breaks.

The reason I am blogging from my cell phone is because Southerners don't know how to handle ice. Or I should say, the idea of ice because there's not really any ice on the ground.

It rained last night, and the temperature dropped into the 20s overnight, so the water sort of froze. I say sort of because it definitely froze on windshields and sidewalks, but not really on the roads. The ground is still too warm and the traffic kept the water from settling long enough to freeze on the roads. So yes, it was a little slippery this morning when I went outside, but nothing serious. And of course, the temperature climbed back above 32 by 7am so the ice was already starting to melt.

I had an appointment scheduled for 9 this morning, and the place is about 45 minutes away, so I got up early this morning. I watched the local news, saw all the accidents and school delays, and decided to leave extra early so I could take my time. I didn't see the place I had an appointment on the list of delays and closures, and my phone call and email to check on the status of our appointment went unanswered (it was only 7:30am afterall) so off I went!

Traffic was slightly backed up, but no more than the usual rush hour backups. In fact, the roads were perfectly fine. Wet, but absolutely fine.

So imagine my surprise when I arrived for my appointment, only to find out that the office wasn't opening until ten. The windows are dark, the doors are locked, and I'm sitting here like a doofus, trying to figure out what to do.

I learned last year that Charlotte does a lot of anticipatory weather closings. They see snow or ice in the forecast, freak out, and close everything. This is because a) they don't have salt trucks, and b) they only have 8 snowplows for the entire city. Ok, I don't know the exact number, but I'm pretty sure I heard 8 last year. Anyway, everyone freaks out that the snow is coming, they make bread and milk runs to the grocery store, and generally hide out until the storm passes. Businesses close (my husband had snow days from work), schools close, and the city essentially shuts down.

The problem is that nothing ever happens. The snow turns out to be flurries (maybe) or the front goes completely north of us, and everyone looks like a bunch of idiots. And then I'm stuck waiting here because the powers that be trusted the weatherman instead of walking outside.
I'm annoyed that I got up early and left extra early to ensure I'd make my appointment on time. I'm annoyed that there wasn't any sort of message on the voicemail that they'd be closed until ten. I'm annoyed that I'm just sitting here, trying to figure out what to do - is my appointment postponed? Cancelled? Will they reschedule? Does this mean I have to drive an hour and a half roundtrip again on another day?

But mostly I'm annoyed because I have to wonder these things on a perfectly fine day.

Cook Family Christmas

One of my favorite Christmas traditions is looking at lights on Christmas Eve. I think this started when my family lived in Ohio and our neighborhood held a decorating contest every year. I remember cars lining the streets to look at lights, particularly on the weekends and especially on Christmas Eve. It seems like every house was decorated. Some were beautiful, like the big green house with Santa's sleigh and a wreath and candle in every one of the 30+ windows. Others were delightfully tacky, like the house with all the chaser lights going at different speeds and in different directions. And some had a little holiday humor, like the modern house that spelled out "BAH HUM BUG" in the upstairs windows. The neighborhood just seemed full of Christmas Spirit!

Looking at lights is a tradition that I've continued with my husband. We love listening to Christmas tunes and driving through neighborhoods full of decorated houses, noting when a house has really gone all out and often wondering how exactly they got those lights on that high peak over the garage.

Friday night, my husband and I decided to head out to one of our other favorite spots - the Cook Family light display. What makes this display so amazing is not just the 80,000+ lights. Nope, this is one of those houses that has the display set to music, broadcast through the car radio! The whole display runs for about 20 minutes, and then goes completely dark for about 30 seconds so cars can move out and let new ones in. The family collects donations for charity, and this year the money is going to A Child's Place.

Grinchy loved looking at the lights with us

With an amazing light display, fun Christmas music, and the charity tie-in, it's impossible not to feel the Christmas Spirit while watching the show. It also reminds me of those Christmas Eves in Ohio, driving around with my family to look at all the lights. I can only imagine what our neighborhood would've been like if these kind of shows were around then.

Thanks, Mr. Cook,  for helping us feel the Christmas Spirit!

Pizza craving

One thing that really bugs me about Charlotte is the abundance of New York-style pizza places and the complete absence of Chicago-style pizza places. It makes me very, very sad.

My husband and I have lamented over the lack of Chicago-style pizza places quite often, and some helpful but generally clueless soul always makes a recommendation of "the best pizza place" that ends up being a New York-style joint. We've tried to describe Chicago-style pizza to people who've never had it, but that usually ends up with people thinking it's some sort of double-dough thick crust pizza, made with two New York-style pizza crusts on top of each other. Not even close.

We have a lot of brick oven pizza, and even more New York uber thin crust pizza. It's not that I have anything against New York-style pizza, it's just not my preference. I don't like to fold my pizza like a taco and eat it, and nobody's going to change that. And the difference between New York-style pizza and Chicago-style pizza is not thin versus thick crust, or really even thin crust versus deep dish, which most of the people around here seem to think is the case. No. No no no.

I remember watching something on Food Network or Cooking Channel or maybe Travel Channel about how the water makes a difference in the flavor of New York pizza crust, and that's why each pizza joint has a slightly different flavor. Apparently New York pizza is all about the flavor of the crust, which makes sense when the pizza is pretty much just flatbread. This is also why the mistake is made when trying to compare New York and Chicago-style pizzas and the resulting misperception that the dough in a Chicago-style pizza is thicker because it's deep dish, and therefore the most important part of the pizza.

Chicago-style pizza is not about the crust.

Oh sure, the crust is distinctive because it kinda looks like a pie. And Chicago-style pizza is often referred to as "stuffed," but the reality is that if you can taste a top crust, it's not true Chicago-style pizza (and a lot of places don't actually use a second top crust either). And the crust can make a difference in the overall flavor of the pizza, but really, if the pizza is made right, you don't really taste the bottom crust.

Crust is a really funny word.

No, this pizza is all about the toppings - the sauce, the cheese, the spices, the meat - because it is almost entirely made of toppings. In my opinion, the crust on a Chicago-style pizza is the equivalent of the crust on any pie - something to hold in all the good stuff, and almost completely unnecessary, especially when there's all that good filling. Look at all that cheese! Look at all that sauce! Yummmm. I'm in heaven just looking at it. Maybe it's because I have Wisconsin roots, but there's something about how that inch of cheese is just stacked on itself that makes my mouth water. And the sauce - this is where I think Chicago-style pizza places differ. The sauce is about creating the right consistency and the right balance of seasonings to complement all that cheesey goodness.

Clearly this isn't a pizza that just any place can make - it's a special dough, cooked in a special pan, and nobody in Charlotte knows how to do it right - I don't think anyone even understands it, let alone attempts it. Charlotte has all sorts of amazing restaurants but not one Chicago-style pizza place to satisfy my craving, and that is definitely a drawback to Charlotte. On the other hand, it gives me something to look forward to when we head back to the Midwest for visits.

If someone wants to franchise a Giordano's down here, you'll make a fortune. And I'll love you forever.

Christmas Town, USA

One of the best places in Charlotte to visit during the holidays is McAdenville, NC aka Christmas Town, USA. The entire town decorates and transforms into a Christmas light bonanza, and it's a great place to go get in the Christmas Spirit.

My husband and I went last year and were just amazed by what we saw, so we decided to visit again last Saturday night. There was a long line of cars to get into the village, but eventually we saw the first lights on the tree and knew we had made our way into Christmas Town!

Photos from Christmas Town Facebook page

We loved looking at all the beautiful lights and were amazed by how well coordinated the decorations were. It reminded me of my childhood, when my neighborhood association held a contest so the entire neighborhood went all out with decorations. We always had lines of cars driving slowly through the neighborhood, checking out the lights. Just driving home from school or swim practice put me in the Christmas Spirit.

I loved seeing all the lights of the town, and I think this will be an annual tradition for us as long as we live in Charlotte. It's amazing that such a small town in North Carolina could get together to express all this Christmas Spirit.

Because I'm bored, that's why

You may have noticed an increased frequency in my postings lately, and perhaps the new layout. Or maybe you've noticed that all my posts now have labels. Wanna know why?

I'm bored.

But this is the good kind of bored. Oh, you didn't know there are multiple kinds of boredom? Well, there are. Because I said so.

This kind of boredom is the kind when my ADHD brain is working overtime and I have 8 million thoughts flying through my head, but they are flying through my head slow enough that I can actually process a few of them, but there are still 7,999,997 that I can't process and those keep me from doing anything that is actually productive, but I have still have enough hyperfocus to write about the few thoughts that I can process and it just seems like I'm creative and insightful and have a lot to say.

See how rambly that sentence was? That's my ADHD brain, but multiple it by 8 million. It's understandable if you read slowly, but it really could use some punctuation to make it coherent. You know, the kind of punctuation made by pharmaceutical companies that allows me to follow the "rules of grammar."

But anyway...

I've also had a lot more to write about lately. I haven't done anything that is more housewifey than before, but I have noticed when I've done these housewifey things and made a note to write about them. That's part of the reason I started this blog in the first place - to encourage personal reflection on my new life in my new town.


Charlotte is a cool city, and I like exploring all that the area has to offer. I like having visitors because I have an excuse to visit different places in Charlotte that I would probably never go to on my own, and each time I learn more about this awesome place that I call home. And selfishly, I like to show off how cool Charlotte is so that my family and friends understand why I like Charlotte so much, and why I'm not eager to return to the Midwest to be closer to them.

You know, besides the obvious that it's the end of October and I'm still wearing shorts. And we've got 70s and 80s in the forecast for the next week.

My new role in life, however, is proving to be more challenging. For one, I am a housewife but I don't have children, and I find it hard to relate to housewives with kids. It's not that I don't empathize with those housewives, it's just not my experience. My day doesn't revolve around my children's schedules or meeting their needs or stimulating their minds. I have to fill my day with my own stuff, and that's not something that most housewives relate to. I often hear from friends that they're jealous of my life, and how much they would love to have an entire day to themselves, hanging out at the country club. I understand that. But my life as a housewife has been day after day to myself, with little interaction with others who share similar interests or experiences. It's not that I haven't met people, but the women who are home during the day generally have kids, and the women who don't have kids aren't home during the day, or they're single and looking for Mr. Right (Now). Or they have grandchildren my age (Hi friends from water aerobics!). There aren't a lot of social groups for trailing spouses without kids in their early 30s.

I sometimes wonder if I'm experiencing more of an empty-nest syndrome than a childless housewife dilemma. My life has revolved around kids for the last ten years. Granted, they weren't my kids, but I was still largely responsible for their schedules, meeting their needs, and stimulating their minds. And in turn, they dictated my schedule and stimulated my mind. I don't have them around me anymore, and I miss them terribly. I keep up with many of my former students on Facebook, but it's definitely not the same as working with them every day.

That's why things like volunteering for college fairs and issues like bullying prompt me to post. I can draw upon my personal and professional experience to hopefully write something informative or provocative that hopefully entertains my readers as much as blogging about these topics intellectually stimulates me. Blogging has provided me a forum and an outlet to connect with others and share some of my thoughts and sometimes my expertise. I know it's not modest to say, but I was a pretty darn good social worker/higher educator, and I really enjoy sharing what I know with others. Yes, I am aware that higher educator is not a real term, but higher education professional or student affairs professional is lame. We need to come up with a better name for our profession, fellow higher educators.

Yes, I know, I could get all this if I had a job. I'm trying!

Until that time comes, I have a blog to keep me entertained and keep me intellectually stimulated. I may be a housewife in Charlotte, but I'm still ME - an intelligent social worker/higher educator who is called to help at-risk students get their college degrees, who likes to cook but hates to clean, who sometimes struggles with ADHD, who misses her family and friends, but loves her husband and the life we've created very much.
And I hope this post is proof that there is a good kind of boredom - the kind when there's nothing much going on in my life, so I actually have the opportunity to just think and write and get to know myself a little better and share these things with you.

Yeah, sometimes being a real housewife isn't so bad.

Lazy 5

We had guests over the weekend - two friends from college and their three year-old daughter - which meant we got to be Charlotte tourists! It was another gorgeous Charlotte weekend and we took advantage of the sunshine with a lot of outdoor activities.

One of the most unique and talked about family activities in the Charlotte area is the Lazy 5 Ranch. It's a drive through or ride through animal park, but even that description doesn't fully capture the experience. I've been there twice now and both times I've been amazed by the experience.

The park isn't like a regular zoo - it's more of a forest, combined with a safari, with a touch of the children's zoo - because visitors have the opportunity to see, feed, and pet all the animals. It's safe - the animals are all given shots each year and are so used to people that they're essentially domesticated. Both visits I have ridden on the wagon through the park, which I personally think is the best way to see everything.

Words are failing me, so I think the best thing to do is just show you the pictures.

Luther the rhino - can't pet or feed him!

If it has two legs, hold out your food bucket and they'll peck at the food.

If it has four legs, they'll eat from your hand!

Everyone wants to feed the giraffes and the giraffes know it - they don't eat much, but they like to pose for pictures.

I didn't see the zebras the first time! There were at least ten of them, and they were beautiful!

And this is what it's like to take a car through the park - the animals come right up to you!

The Lazy 5 Ranch is an awesome family attraction just north of Charlotte, and I highly recommend it to any locals or visitors.

Happy Anniversary, Charlotte!

Today marks our one year anniversary of living in Charlotte. When I think about where I was in my life a year ago compared to where I am now, I marvel at how much life has changed and how much I've personally changed.

There are geographic adjustments, of course, between Michigan and North Carolina. I fly a lot more now than I have in the past, simply because flying is necessary to visit most family and friends. I've visited places I'd never thought of visiting before, like Charleston, SC simply because it's convenient now. I find myself more concerned about hurricanes (though Charlotte is far from the ocean and hasn't been hit in more than 20 years) than snowstorms, and I've had to adjust my time line for seasonality of produce. When I shop for clothes, I invest in lightweight pants and short-sleeved shirts rather than heavy sweaters and sweatshirts. I found it necessary to invest in prescription sunglasses because I need to wear them year-round. These have been slight adjustments, but adjustments nonetheless.

Then there are actual changes I've made in my life. I exercise four to five times each week, and this is a major change for me. I exercised when I lived in Michigan, but it was inconsistent and always at the bottom of my priority list even though I wanted to do it more often. Here, I fit it into my day naturally. I started tennis lessons because it's fun, and because it's what the women do around here. I cook more often, though I admittedly use Dream Dinners to help me (I'm completely okay with that, and my husband does not care), and have greatly reduced the amount of junk that I eat. I've lost 30 pounds since moving to Charlotte which is the product of
the exercise and cooking, rather than a conscious effort to lose weight. My hair is lighter and my skin is darker from the sun, which is again natural and a product of being outside more often, and I generally look healthier than I did when I lived in Michigan.

My priorities have shifted. I've always considered my husband the primary breadwinner in our family, but I've also always considered myself a contributor to household income. I felt that because I also made money, my career was just as important as his. In the past, we've made moves in order to benefit my career and we've made moves to benefit my husband's career. After this move to Charlotte, I don't think I'd consider moving to another city to benefit my own career unless I was absolutely certain my husband was going to benefit too - as in, he also had a job opportunity that ensured greater professional and financial benefits in hand. I've always known he was smart and good at his job, but this year has shown me that he is truly remarkable at what he does, and he deserves every opportunity to develop professionally. I know, I know, I deserve the same opportunity. Except I don't. I'm good at what I do, but he is truly extraordinary. And frankly, I'll never make close to what he will and in these tough economic times, that is a very real and important factor.

Because of the realization, I've accepted more responsibility for the household tasks. I cook, I clean, and I launder (is that I word? If not, it should be and that should be the correct use for it). I'm not great at these tasks, and I doubt I ever will be. I still grumble as I do them, but I also never think "it's [husband]'s turn to do the dishes" as I unload the dishwasher. These jobs are just ways that I can contribute, and even though I feel like I'm not doing enough sometimes, I know my husband appreciates that he doesn't have to worry about them when he gets home from work.

And as I already learned, I'm happy. A year ago, if I had a crystal ball and saw what my life would be on September 15, 2010, I would've predicted I would be miserable because smart, independent, and career-driven women aren't supposed to be satisfied with life as a housewife. But I am, and it doesn't make me a less smart, independent, or career-driven woman - but perhaps now I'm a bit less selfish. I'm still trying to figure that out.

I sometimes wonder if I would've gotten to this point if we hadn't moved, and I really don't think I would have. My life would be different than it was a year ago regardless, but I'm not sure about how my priorities or my feelings or my body or my relationship with my husband would've changed, if at all. I've moved many times in my life, and I've always learned and changed as a result, but I think this is the first move in which I can say it's been nothing like I'd hoped but I wouldn't change a thing.

Happy Anniversary, Charlotte! Here's to many more!

I'm Happy. Who knew?

Today I was told that I appear to be the happiest I've been in years. I had to ask myself - am I that happy or was I really that miserable?

The honest answer - I was that miserable. I hated my life in Michigan. I loved my little hockey boys and really enjoyed working with them, and I made some good friends, but that was about it. I hated school, I hated my job, I hated the weather. I missed Wisconsin and I missed my life there. I knew I had outgrown my job and was frustrated by that, but I still enjoyed it for the most part. I constantly questioned why I left, and generally felt like I'd made a huge mistake when I decided to pursue my PhD in Michigan.

I'm not the only one who was miserable - my husband hated it too. He also made some great friends, and he loved coaching soccer, but he had his share of frustrations with work and other stuff. Neither one of us wanted to admit how much we disliked living there because we knew we had a reason for being there, but we really hated it.

In some ways, the fact that I'm happier here is counterintuitive - I'm farther away from my family, I don't have my sporting events to attend or teams that I root for, I don't have any friends, and I don't have a job. Despite all this, I'm happier.

I immediately liked Charlotte. It felt like a much better fit than Michigan ever did. I have my challenges, of course, and I'm frustrated that I don't have a job, but I still like Charlotte. I'm not sure what it is exactly - maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the lifestyle, maybe it's just that it's not Michigan. I certainly love the sunshine, and the fact that I have a noticeable tan makes me happy (spare me the skin cancer talk, I wear SPF 70 sunscreen daily and Vitamin D is good for physical and mental health). I also love having access to the pool, and my water aerobics and tennis classes. I really enjoy being able to walk to the grocery store or Walmart without it completely disrupting my day. But these are little things, and really shouldn't make that much of a noticeable difference in my happiness.

Maybe I actually like being a housewife. Huh.

My pet peeve

This morning I decided to do some writing at Panera. The Charlotte Paneras are participating in a new rewards program, My Panera. I had earned a free smoothie just for registering my card, so I decided today would be the day I would redeem my delicious treat. Plus, the Panera I went to has an abundance of outlets so it's a pretty good place to work when I have to be plugged in.

As someone who works from home, I appreciate coffee shops and restaurants that are "computer-friendly." That is, I appreciate those places that recognize there are people who frequent their businesses as a place to get food and drink, but also to get some work accomplished. I'm not a coffee drinker so I didn't frequent the coffee shops during my undergraduate and first two graduate school adventures, but I found it necessary to get out of the house to do work when I started my doctorate. Places like Panera and Starbucks became part of my regular "work" rotation. I gathered with research partners to discuss ideas and write papers, and I met friends to work side-by-side as we would grind through our respective projects. I had an office at school, but found it to be horrible for actually doing work because I was constantly interrupted by questions, especially as I became a senior member of the research team. Thus, the coffee shops became my second office. Now that I have no office alternative, I appreciate these places even more.

Because I use these places for work, I've become a bit of a snob when it comes to how other non-working people use these places. My experience today is an example of my pet-peeve: Non-computer people sitting at the outlet-accessible tables. If you're a non-computer person, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about and that's why I'm educating you today. Most coffee shops that offer Wi-Fi have a fair amount of outlets, especially if they've opened in the last few years. However, not all of the tables have access to outlets so the ones that do are in high demand. In fact, I used to carry a power strip with me so that more people could use the outlets near me. Therefore, nothing irritates me more than seeing a person without a computer sitting at a precious outlet-accessible table. I want that outlet, I NEED that outlet, and those people are just being selfish.

As I mentioned, the Panera I visited today has an outlet abundance so I generally can find one without any problems as I did today. I know every table that has an outlet so it's pretty easy for me to do a quick scan and settle in to my spot. I sat at a small table meant for two, but once I put a laptop on it, it became a table for one. Two booths were on the opposite wall, and both of the booths have outlets. They are premium spots for groups to work together, and my husband and I have claimed these booths many Sunday afternoons to crank through our work together. Because I've used them, I know their magical powers and thus I get very upset when I see people sitting at them who are not using the outlets, as I did today. Some woman sat in the booth, alone, and drank her coffee and read her book and never seemed to be aware that she was sitting at the magic table. She may have gleaned something from my dirty looks, but it was probably just that I was rude and not that she was wasting the special talents of the booth she was sitting in. Poor booth.

I understand that people like booths, and this Panera has many booths without outlets. In fact, it's just these two booths that have outlets and that's why I get so upset when they are in use by non-computer users. Go sit in one of the other booths! My anger isn't booth specific either. I hate when non-computer people sit at the two person table with the outlet when the same table next to it is just a little too far from the outlet to be usable for a computer person like me. I feel like those people are purposely taunting me.

So if you're ever at Panera or Starbucks or any place that people generally hang out and play on their laptops, do a quick check before you sit down and make sure you're not being an outlet hog. The Real Housewife of Charlotte, and the graduate students of the world, will thank you.

Just when I thought I had acclimated to the South

I made red beans and rice for dinner tonight, and I thought "Wow, I'm becoming a Southerner!" Then I remembered what happened this morning.

This morning at water aerobics, our instructor told us to high five three people and tell them our favorite desserts. She does stuff like that during our recovery, but usually it's "tell four people your first name." Apparently she was craving some sugar today.

I had to really think, but I decided mine was key lime pie. So I high five my people, and tell them "key lime pie" and they say things like "pecan pie" or "banana pudding" or "peach cobbler." I didn't think anything of it, until I overheard the rest of the ladies talking about their favorite desserts... strawberry shortcake, red velvet cake, sweet potato pie... The compiled list sounded like I was watching Paula Deen, and pretty soon all I could picture were these southern women standing in their kitchens melting butter and brown sugar and covering everything with homemade whipped cream. I am definitely not one of them.

I'm not really trying to be Southern, but I am coming to the realization that there are many cultural differences between my Midwestern roots and my Charlotte life that I still need to understand. Food is a good place to start!

You'd think people would drive better....

When I moved to Charlotte, the biggest hassle was getting a NC driver's license. I've moved across states several times, and generally speaking, it's been pretty painless. Most states accept that if you have a driver's license already, you know how to drive and allow you to essentially trade in one license for another - show proof of residence, take an eye test, take a photo, congratulations!

Not North Carolina. North Carolina requires a written test. Technically it's on a computer, but it's very similar to the written test I took when I first got my license at age sixteen. Fine. However, it's not as simple as showing up and taking the test. No. If you just show up, there's a good chance you'll sit at the DMV all day. I had to make an appointment. It took ten weeks to get an appointment and after all that, I didn't walk out with a license. Nope, I had to wait two weeks to get it in the mail.

This is only to get the license. I had to go to another place to register the car. I can't get into that today for fear of having a mental breakdown just thinking about it.

So I would guess that after all this just to get a license, people in Charlotte would actually be able to drive. WRONG.

There are several offenses that bother me, but the one I notice almost daily is the inability to recognize the right-of-way at a four-way stop, or just the failure to stop at stop signs at all.

I'll tell my story of going to the grocery store today as an example, but this happens almost every time I'm at a four way stop.

As I mentioned before, I live very close to a shopping center. There is a back road from my neighborhood into the shopping center that culminates in a four-way stop. If I turn right, I go to Walmart. If I turn left, I go to the grocery store. If I go straight, I head to the main road. It's not unusual to have traffic from all directions at this four way stop, and it's also not unusual to have pedestrians crossing at this intersection either. All in all, it's important to pay attention because I never know who is going to be coming from where.

Today, I needed to go to the grocery store so I headed off in my car through the cut through and up the back road into the shopping center. I came to the stop sign and was the only car at the intersection. Yay, I have the right of way! Oh wait, there's a guy on the sidewalk pushing five shopping carts from the grocery store strip across my path to the Walmart. I'll wait for him to cross. Waiting, waiting, waiting... you can hurry up buddy...

In the mean time, a car comes from my left and wants to turn toward the main road. I have grocery carts in front of me so I can't go and wave him through. Then a guy comes from the main road (directly across from me) and wants to turn toward the grocery store. The car that was on my left is mid-turn so I can't go, so this new car in front of me turns. That's fine, I can't go anywhere. But now it's my turn...

Then BMW comes along and I can tell he's not going to acknowledge my right of way at all. He's coming from the main road, turning toward the grocery store, and doesn't bother to stop at all. Instead, he follows the car in front of him as though he has a green light, rather than a stop sign, essentially cutting me off. I believe people do this maneuver because a) they believe they are in a much bigger hurry than everyone else, b) they believe they are better than everyone (see BMW), and c) they know nothing will happen. And this is where they are wrong.

Just because drivers fail to notice and/or acknowledge my right of way at a stop sign, this will not prevent me from a) honking my horn at them (not effective), b) waving my middle finger at them as I drive behind them (sometimes effective, sometimes elicits a middle finger in return), and c) confronting them in the parking lot of the grocery store (very effective).

So maybe some drivers in Charlotte think I'm crazy, but I bet they don't cut anyone off again for fear that the crazy lady will chase them down at Harris Teeter. And I will, so consider yourself warned.

US National Whitewater Center

My husband and I had a friend visit over the weekend so we had the opportunity to be tourists in our own city. Granted, we're still learning our way around and exploring the area, so it wasn't much of a stretch. One place I've wanted to go is the US National Whitewater Center so we took a trip on Saturday afternoon.

First of all, if you live in Charlotte, buy the season pass. Totally worth it. Three trips and you've covered the cost.

If you have ever wanted to whitewater raft but are scared of trying it out in Colorado, come to Charlotte and go to the Whitewater Center. You get some instruction with minimal risk, and it doesn't cost as much as the rivers, AND you can go as often as you'd like in one day.

And if you just want a flat out awesome day, go! I had a blast. There's other stuff to do there, but I'm going to focus on the whitewater rafting because it was the most fun. We took two trips and each was about 90 minutes. The trip starts with a safety talk and then get in the raft. Each raft accommodates 6-7 people with a raft guide and we all had the opportunity to paddle. We took two laps around the Class II-III rapids, with the second time being more adventurous, and then took two or three trips around the Class III-IV rapids which were more exciting and a tad scarier. We saw many, many people get dumped from their rafts, including the instructors! We had no "swimmers" on either of our trips, but we came close a few times.

A couple of highlights of our trips:

• "Surfing" in which the boat rides the rapid like a surf board. Our first trip involved the front two riders (my husband and our friend) getting water up their noses for a good two minutes, which was fun for everyone except them! We surfed a few times on our second trip, and we all got soaked!
  
• I got dumped off my seat both times through the Class IV rapids on our second trip, but fell into the raft so I was lucky. We almost had a casualty, but we grabbed him before he got dumped overboard.
• Paddling through rapids is an amazing upper body workout, and trying to stay in the boat requires a lot of core and lower body strength. I am still sore!

I highly recommend the Whitewater Center if you live in Charlotte or if you're a visitor to Charlotte. It is tremendous fun and a great way to spend a day - being active, laughing a lot, and enjoying the outdoors!