Nothing to say

I have sat down to write a post at least once a day over the last week, but haven't been able to formulate a complete idea. I contemplated writing a post full of the random things that pop into my head, but decided nobody needed to be exposed to the unedited ramblings of my brain. At least not yet.

Instead, I've been staring at my little box on Blogger, trying to figure out what to say. And I still have nothing much to write about, so I guess I'll just fill you in on what I've been doing over the last week.

Nothing.

That's not true actually. I've been very busy writing an article for publication, and my writer's block seems to be lifting. However, my interest in the topic I'm writing about is rapidly decreasing, so that has the potential to be a problem. At this point, I just want to finish it so I don't have to worry about it anymore.

I'm also applying for jobs. I think I sent out five resumes in the last week. I don't think I'm cut out for this housewife business, at least not long term. I've been at home for almost a year, and I think I'm reaching my limit. I can't say I'm more "housewifey" than I was a year ago except that I am actually in my house more than before we moved to Charlotte, and I don't think that really counts as a housewife activity.

I also watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince about sixteen times last week. It's in the HBO rotation, and I have 14 HBO channels so it's on television quite a bit. Most people would probably get sick of a movie if they saw it sixteen times in one week, but I still felt the need to watch it On Demand this afternoon. Nevermind that I also have it on DVD. And I decided to re-read the book. I believe that is what is known as hyperfocus.

If only my research or cleaning were as exciting to me as Harry Potter...

Clean all the things?

First off, I have to give major props to the amazingly talented Allie Brosh for the title of this blog. Do yourself a favor and become a follower of her blog, Hypberbole and a Half, immediately.

Now, onto the regularly scheduled blog.

Sometime last week, my oven started emitting a horrible, greasy, burning smell every time I turned it on, and the smoke burned my eyes when I opened the oven door. I'm not sure what exactly dripped onto the bottom of the oven that pushed it over the edge, but something did and therefore I was forced to clean the oven.

Perhaps I've been spoiled for the last 7 or so years that I've been a homeowner, but I always remember having a self-cleaning cycle on my oven. I enjoy that setting, and I enjoy it even more because my current oven does not have it. That means I actually had to buy oven cleaner, spray it all over the oven, and wipe all the grease off with a wet rag as opposed to turning on the self-cleaning cycle and wiping out the ashes was the cycle was done. See? It's a lot more work without the self-cleaning cycle.

Have I mentioned how much I hate cleaning? In case you haven't gotten that message, I HATE CLEANING. It's down at the bottom of my to-do list every day. I generally keep up with the every day stuff like cleaning the kitchen, and I clean the bathroom regularly, but I have to force myself to do everything else. When we lived in Michigan, we used a maid service from time to time because we were both so busy - these were the best days of my life.

I would love to hire a maid service again - maybe just once a month - but because I'm a housewife, I don't feel like I can. I'm sure my husband would be fine with it financially, but somehow if feels wrong to hire a maid when I am capable of cleaning and I have the time to clean. I hear the women at the pool talk about going home to fix dinner and vacuum and dust so I know this is what I'm supposed to do as a housewife. I shouldn't have to fight an internal battle to convince myself that getting rid of dirt is a good thing.

I guess this is one area of housewife life that I'm just not cut out for. Or maybe I'm just not cut out to be an adult.

(Again, thank you, Alli Brosh, for so accurately providing a window into my life in a much more humorous way than I ever could.)

Just when I thought I had acclimated to the South

I made red beans and rice for dinner tonight, and I thought "Wow, I'm becoming a Southerner!" Then I remembered what happened this morning.

This morning at water aerobics, our instructor told us to high five three people and tell them our favorite desserts. She does stuff like that during our recovery, but usually it's "tell four people your first name." Apparently she was craving some sugar today.

I had to really think, but I decided mine was key lime pie. So I high five my people, and tell them "key lime pie" and they say things like "pecan pie" or "banana pudding" or "peach cobbler." I didn't think anything of it, until I overheard the rest of the ladies talking about their favorite desserts... strawberry shortcake, red velvet cake, sweet potato pie... The compiled list sounded like I was watching Paula Deen, and pretty soon all I could picture were these southern women standing in their kitchens melting butter and brown sugar and covering everything with homemade whipped cream. I am definitely not one of them.

I'm not really trying to be Southern, but I am coming to the realization that there are many cultural differences between my Midwestern roots and my Charlotte life that I still need to understand. Food is a good place to start!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

A few years ago, my husband and I decided that we wanted to visit all the MLB stadiums. Many people have written blogs, articles, and even books about planning a MLB stadium trip and the experience of road tripping. Authors have developed various rating systems to rank the ball parks in an effort to determine which is "the best." Much like others who have attempted to visit the stadiums, we have our own system which essentially that it is a non-system. But it works for us.

I'm don't remember exactly how we decided we were going to see all the stadiums, but I believe it began with a trip to San Francisco. We were living in Milwaukee, and my husband was sent to San Luis Obispo, California for a business trip. We decided to make a vacation out of it. After he finished the business portion of his trip, we drove up Highway 1 to San Francisco. We planned to be tourists and visit with one of my friends who was in grad school at UC-Berkeley. Somehow we decided being a tourist involved going to see a San Francisco Giants game at what was then called PacBell Park (now AT&T Park). Barry Bonds was in the midst of his chase for the home run title, and we'd seen the park and the famous splash hits into McCovey Cove on television so we thought we should see it for ourselves. I believe it was either during this game or during a discussion of this game that we decided we should see all the ball parks.

At this point, we had been to Miller Park (Milwaukee Brewers), Wrigley Field (Chicago Cubs), and Comiskey Park (or the US Cellular Field as the Chicago White Sox field is known now), and we added PacBell to the list. We had no rating system in place, and didn't try to create one, and we had no specific time line to complete our visits. We just wanted to see them all!

When we moved to Michigan, we had the opportunity to visit a few more stadiums. My husband became an instructor for the continuing education program at his accounting firm, and he was sent all over the country to teach. I also traveled for conferences, so we tagged along on trips whenever we could and tried to visit ball parks whenever possible. Often times we had poor timing and the home team was on a road trip (three trips to the Bay area and Oakland has never been in town!) or it was the off-season so we couldn't take in a game. Sometimes we made plans to visit a park and the business trip was canceled which was frustrating and disappointing.


However, a few times we said "Let's go to a game this weekend!" and we'd take off for whichever city we decided to visit. This was the case last weekend when we decided to drive to Atlanta to check Turner Field off the list. We had a free weekend, we had an excuse to go (our favorite team, the Milwaukee Brewers, were the Braves' opponent), and it was convenient so off we went!

The game was enjoyable and Turner Field is nice. Getting to Turner Field and into the game, however, was an exercise in patience that we both failed. They really need to be taught how to direct traffic and parking. Atlanta traffic is bad enough, but add in a 40,000 people heading to a Braves game and the result can only be described in one word: clusterfuck. Service at the concession stands was slow, but the people were nice and I suppose that's important too. Overall rating: Not as nice as PNC Park, Camden Yards, or PETCO Park, but better than Comerica Park. This rating system doesn't even include all the parks we've seen. I told you, we're scientific.


Whenever I tell people that we're doing this, I get one of three responses. 1) That's cool, I've heard of people doing that, or 2) I've always wanted to do that (for MLB or other professional sport), or 3) Why? Visiting the ball parks isn't just about visiting the ball parks. We love sports and we enjoy baseball so we do like the experience of being at the ball game.

However, it's also a way for us to travel and to see the country. It's an excuse to spend time together, to be spontaneous, and to just get away from our daily lives. We both have professional and personal goals, and though we support each other, we accomplish these tasks individually. We have family goals as well, but they generally involve money, retirement, housing, and the like. The stadium tour is our common goal, something we both want to achieve, but more importantly, something we want to achieve together.

And as we visit the stadiums, we make memories that we can share for years to come. I may not remember every Easter I've spent with my husband, but I do remember the Easter we spent in San Diego, watching the Padres play the Giants from the all you can eat seats at PETCO Park. It was 75 and sunny, and I enjoyed every ray of sun on my face after a long Michigan winter, and the sip of every Diet Coke after giving up soda for Lent. I also remember my husband looking completely happy and relaxed after a draining few months dealing with the bankruptcy of General Motors. We've visited about half of the stadiums thus far, and are eager to see the rest. We've tentatively planned for one more this season, and hopefully we'll sneak a few more in there as well. With each ball park, it's not only a step closer to our goal, but it's also a shared experience that I can cherish every day, even if/when the time comes that my husband can no longer take me out to the ball game.

You'd think people would drive better....

When I moved to Charlotte, the biggest hassle was getting a NC driver's license. I've moved across states several times, and generally speaking, it's been pretty painless. Most states accept that if you have a driver's license already, you know how to drive and allow you to essentially trade in one license for another - show proof of residence, take an eye test, take a photo, congratulations!

Not North Carolina. North Carolina requires a written test. Technically it's on a computer, but it's very similar to the written test I took when I first got my license at age sixteen. Fine. However, it's not as simple as showing up and taking the test. No. If you just show up, there's a good chance you'll sit at the DMV all day. I had to make an appointment. It took ten weeks to get an appointment and after all that, I didn't walk out with a license. Nope, I had to wait two weeks to get it in the mail.

This is only to get the license. I had to go to another place to register the car. I can't get into that today for fear of having a mental breakdown just thinking about it.

So I would guess that after all this just to get a license, people in Charlotte would actually be able to drive. WRONG.

There are several offenses that bother me, but the one I notice almost daily is the inability to recognize the right-of-way at a four-way stop, or just the failure to stop at stop signs at all.

I'll tell my story of going to the grocery store today as an example, but this happens almost every time I'm at a four way stop.

As I mentioned before, I live very close to a shopping center. There is a back road from my neighborhood into the shopping center that culminates in a four-way stop. If I turn right, I go to Walmart. If I turn left, I go to the grocery store. If I go straight, I head to the main road. It's not unusual to have traffic from all directions at this four way stop, and it's also not unusual to have pedestrians crossing at this intersection either. All in all, it's important to pay attention because I never know who is going to be coming from where.

Today, I needed to go to the grocery store so I headed off in my car through the cut through and up the back road into the shopping center. I came to the stop sign and was the only car at the intersection. Yay, I have the right of way! Oh wait, there's a guy on the sidewalk pushing five shopping carts from the grocery store strip across my path to the Walmart. I'll wait for him to cross. Waiting, waiting, waiting... you can hurry up buddy...

In the mean time, a car comes from my left and wants to turn toward the main road. I have grocery carts in front of me so I can't go and wave him through. Then a guy comes from the main road (directly across from me) and wants to turn toward the grocery store. The car that was on my left is mid-turn so I can't go, so this new car in front of me turns. That's fine, I can't go anywhere. But now it's my turn...

Then BMW comes along and I can tell he's not going to acknowledge my right of way at all. He's coming from the main road, turning toward the grocery store, and doesn't bother to stop at all. Instead, he follows the car in front of him as though he has a green light, rather than a stop sign, essentially cutting me off. I believe people do this maneuver because a) they believe they are in a much bigger hurry than everyone else, b) they believe they are better than everyone (see BMW), and c) they know nothing will happen. And this is where they are wrong.

Just because drivers fail to notice and/or acknowledge my right of way at a stop sign, this will not prevent me from a) honking my horn at them (not effective), b) waving my middle finger at them as I drive behind them (sometimes effective, sometimes elicits a middle finger in return), and c) confronting them in the parking lot of the grocery store (very effective).

So maybe some drivers in Charlotte think I'm crazy, but I bet they don't cut anyone off again for fear that the crazy lady will chase them down at Harris Teeter. And I will, so consider yourself warned.

A real Real Housewife activity

Today, I'm doing my best impersonation of a real Real Housewife of Charlotte. I'm spending the day at a country club.

My husband and I belong to a country club. It's not what you think - we didn't pay an enormous initiation fee or have ridiculous dues or anything. Country clubs are a way of life in Charlotte. For example, we have three, no FOUR, within a two mile radius of our place. It's kind of ridiculous. Anyway, our neighborhood has a country club and the initiation fees and dues are part of the home owners association so it just made sense to join.

Our club offers a lot, including a restaurant/bar with good food, four televisions, and a table next to an outlet. Really, the table next to the outfit is key for me because I like to go to the restaurant/bar and work. Generally it's very quiet, except for Fridays when all the golfers descend upon quiet place, drink a lot, and get obnoxiously loud. There is also no internet access, which is usually good for me because I get distracted by things like the internet. (I can get internet, when I need to, but that's another story.) The other major benefit is that I can get up and go to the bathroom while I'm working without fear of someone swiping my stuff, which is the major downside to places like Panera and Starbucks. I love those places, but when I'm working alone, use of the bathroom usually signals that it's time to pack up and go.

So today I'm working at the club, but not without a little eavesdropping first.

Usually it's just men in here, who stop in for a drink and a snack after golfing. They have two conversations: 1) Tiger Woods, and whether his extracurricular activities have affected their perception of him, his popularity, and/or his golf game, and 2) Poorly dissecting whatever non-golf sporting event is happening at the time. For men who claim to be sports fanatics and refuse to let me change the televisions off of the ESPN networks, they really know very little about sports. For example, this was the conversation I overheard during the World Cup:

Dope 1: "The US plays tomorrow (Thursday) at 10am against Slovakia ."
Actually, they played Friday against Slovenia, as I had just told the dope who incorrectly repeated this information to his friend.

Dope 2: "They have the possibility of advancing, but we gotta get through England first."
All true, except the US had already played England and tied 1-1.

My favorite quotes were during March Madness, but I can't remember the quotes for the life of me. I do remember thinking, "This is ACC country, the supposed Mecca of college basketball, and you don't even know that UNI upset Kansas?"

The women, on the other hand, gossip about the other women in the club. They talk about everything, and quite viciously at times. Today, it was about a woman in their tennis league and whether she can really afford to continue in the tennis league, given her financial situation. I mean, her car has 200,000 miles on it and if she can't afford to get a new one, how can she afford to play in the tennis league? Over a lunch, these women decided to replace the woman with the difficult financial situation. They weren't going to ask her, of course, whether she was planning to continue playing tennis or really what her financial situation was. They just were going to replace her. Got it.

This is my fear of becoming a real housewife - I could become one of these women. I gossip and judge people of course, and I'm obviously doing it right now, but I don't spread rumors about people and I definitely don't make decisions to cut people out of my activities. Rather, I'm afraid that this will become normal for me because this is normal conversation at the country club. It's part of our culture, and I'm afraid that it will become part of my normal world if I become too involved in these activities.

However, their cattiness or the men's ignorance of sports doesn't prevent me from spending my Thursday afternoon hanging at the country club just like a real housewife of Charlotte should.

Real Housewives have gone too far

I said I'd talk about the series so here's the first blog about it... and it's to say that I think the show has crossed the line.

Let me first start by talking about why I liked the show initially. It was, as the name implies, real. The housewives did and said stupid things, had children who sometimes acted imperfectly, and were married to husbands messed up but generally meant well. I remember the episode where Kimberly struggled after a biopsy and wondered whether she had cancer, and Lauri had to deal with her son's drug addiction, and Jeanna took her son on a college/recruiting visit. It was dramatic in that it was relatable.

Of course, the housewives and their children caught a lot of heat. The parenting skills were called into question, the children were criticized as being spoiled or disrespectful, and their marriages suffered. That's when I think the focus of the show changed. The housewives, acting to protect their kids and their families, refused to put their children in the spotlight and instead focused on the relationships among the housewives. That's where it went wrong.

Atlanta is almost unbearable to watch. Orange County has become about the men. New York has potential but Jill acted like a petulant child, LuAnn is a shit stirrer, and Kelly is a nut job. I said I relate to the Jersey Housewives, but without the drama, and I think that's true. They're all about family, friends, and food with one exception - the drama queen that is the "other" housewife. I'm pretty convinced she's a sociopath and I feel really sorry for the rest of the housewives who have to deal with her. I've read blogs that argue that without her, there'd be no drama and that the show would be boring. I disagree. I have three sisters and we bring plenty of drama - that's the beauty of filming families. They fight, they make up, they love!

Along the lines of the sociopath, I think any time an encounter ends with police being called or hands being laid on another person, the lines have been crossed. Also, I think anytime one cast mate ends up suing another, lines have been crossed. Those things happen when people are put in unnatural situations for the purposes of making "good tv," rather than acting like human beings. When cast mates run to the press to tell lies about another person, that is defamation. I don't care if you signed up for your 15 minutes of fame, nobody signs up to have lies told about them and then be forced to interact with the person telling lies just for the sake of "good tv."

And frankly, I don't think it's good tv, I think it's sad.

Here's good tv: Albie Manzo fighting to get readmitted to law school. Learning disabilities and discrimination are real issues and deserve the tv audience they're getting. Kudos to Caroline and Albie for being brave enough to put it on television. It's a real issue and is reminiscent of the old show.

Shame on Bravo for mixing all of the other garbage into the show.