GO LUCY!!! AGAIN!!!

Remember when my crazy sister Lucy was running in her second half-marathon? Well, tomorrow she is running in her first FULL MARATHON! Go Lucy!

Never ever ever in a million years would I be able to do that, and I admire her for her dedication and persistence. And also for her craziness, because she has to be a little insane to want to voluntarily run for four hours, but it's the good kind of insane and I respect that kind of insanity.

GO LUCY!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Coffee talk

I am not a morning person. I hate mornings. I have no use for mornings.

In other words, mornings suck.

Unfortunately for me, most jobs cater to morning people so I have had to adapt my natural sleeping patterns and lifestyle to fit into the world of morning people. I have to get up earlier than my body wants to and go to bed at a "reasonable time." I have to be productive at a time when my brain hasn't even turned on yet. I have to commute when it's still dark outside. And I have to go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning.

After a day of work, I have no motivation to go to the gym so I've decided to go before work. Unlike my gym in Charlotte, however, my gym is not around the corner from my house so I can't go back home to get ready for work. Instead, I schlep a bag of clothes to the gym and get ready there. Side note: Somehow I never feel as clean when showering at the gym as I do at home, but I'll live. And my office has a door for the really bad days :)

What I don't like is that I don't have my morning get-ready time with my husband. Because I'm not a morning person, I don't generally like to talk to anyone in the morning. However, after a couple of car rides and some gym time, I usually wake up enough to have a conversation - nothing deep of course, but more than the conversations when I first wake up, which consist mostly of grunts and whining, with an occassional, "Shhh. No talking." Getting-ready conversations were basically check-ins. My husband and I would talk about our plans for the upcoming day, what to have for dinner, thoughts about the upcoming weekend, reminders to set the DVR, etc.

With my job, we drive separately to the gym, do our separate workouts, and go our separate ways when we finish. I head to the women's locker room to shower and get ready for work, and he drives home to get ready. We don't talk much, if at all, and I miss it. We've tried to adapt to our new schedule; he calls me while he's driving to work and we usually arrive at our respective offices around the same time (because his commute is 5 minutes and mine is 55 minutes). But it's not the same as having that in-person conversation.

I never thought much of those conversations before, but now that we don't have them, I recognize how important they were in our daily lives. Those morning check-ins ensured we were connected daily, and ensured our lines of communication were always open. More importantly, however, our get-ready time was an opportunity for intimacy, because we were physically present with each other. It wasn't intimacy in a sexual way - get your mind out of the gutter! - but because we shared a bedroom and a bathroom, we were constantly in each other's personal space. While that can be annoying at times, I generally enjoyed being close to my husband. I show and feel affection through physical touch, and so does my husband. Sharing our space while we were getting ready was another way for me to feel connected to my husband, just as our morning talks helped me feel connected to him.

Brain droppings

I was so overwhelmed by all my comments the last couple of days - yes, twelve comments is a lot of comments - that I thought "I have to write an amazing post and build on my momentum!" And of course my mind went blank and I couldn't come up with anything.

And then I realized that it didn't really matter, because really the only people who read this are my sisters and a couple of friends and who was I kidding anyway. Magically, the thoughts came back.

And now you get the scary gibberish that is my brain. You're welcome!

• I start my new job on Monday!

• I love the show Community, but I've realized I only really pay attention when Abed is on screen.

• I had a personal training appointment yesterday and the trainer said his goal was to make sure I was sore tomorrow. He FAILED and that gives me a great deal of satisfaction. But that also means I have no excuse for not going to the gym. 

• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 comes out on DVD today!!!!

• I love Top Chef, but I have no use for Top Chef Masters. 

•  I played Hungry, Hungry Hippos all by myself yesterday. And guess what? I won!!!

• I have hit a major sports lull. The initial excitement about the beginning of baseball season has worn off, and I have a long time to wait for college basketball to start, and who knows if the NFL is going to play this year. There's still soccer though...

• The Pee-Wee Herman Show on Broadway may be the greatest thing ever shown on HBO.

• My husband is going to Chile and Brazil for work next month, and I don't get to go because I have this thing called "a job." I don't know why I was so eager to go back to work.

•  I have an attic full of Christmas decorations and exactly two decorations for Easter - a door hanging and an Easter basket. I may need to shop.

• My in-laws are coming to visit this weekend. Give me strength...

Have a great weekend!!!

What have you been busy with? You don't have any kids!

Before I start, I should say that this post isn't directed at anybody or as a result of any particular incident. It really was my sister's Facebook status that triggered my thinking today. Then I signed on to read blogs this morning, and saw that Shell at Things I Can't Say had posted her weekly Pour Your Heart Out and I just felt like it was time to say that thing I can't say... 

My sister Lucy volunteers as a weekly visitor to an elderly woman who is essentially stuck at home with no regular visitors. Lucy refers to this woman as "my old lady" and she has great affection for her. Anyway, Lucy posted this as her Facebook status yesterday:

Today my old lady mocked me when I told her I'd been busy and said "What have you been busy with? You don't have any kids! It's just you and your husband!" Now I could handle that comment from someone who works, raises kids, and goes to school, but that was harsh coming from someone who looks out her window and watches local news all day.

First, Lucy and I have similar senses of humor and similar ways of communicating, and her status clearly has an element of sarcasm. But behind the sarcasm is that nugget of truth, that little dig that sticks and leads to the posting of the status (or reposting on a blog). What struck me about her status is the idea that without children, I am somehow not busy... or my time isn't as valuable.

When I start my new job next week, my concept of "busy" will change. I'll have an eleven hour day including my commute. I'm starting a student services program from scratch so I'm sure I will be doing eighteen things at once - "building the plane while I fly it" so to speak. Dinner will still have to be made, workouts will still have to be completed, blogs will still need to be written - because my sisters say so - and laundry will need to be folded. I'll be busy.

But right now, I'm at home and I don't have kids. This doesn't mean I'm not busy. Our house didn't unpack itself after our move. The walls didn't go to Lowe's and pick out their own paint and put it on themselves. Our groceries don't magically show up. I can't exactly drive-thru the DMV to get my Wisconsin license and register the cars. My scrapbooks are gorgeous for a reason. Heck, even though I don't clean my house, the cleaning fairies didn't just show up one day - I had to make calls, schedule appointments, meet with people, check references, etc. And throwing on some Shape-ups while I run errands isn't going to get me the workout I want or need.

I'm busy.

I understand parents are busy, but I am too. What I am busy doing may seem frivolous or unimportant when compared with raising a child, but it's my choice and it's my luxury because I chose not to have kids right away. I wanted to go to school, establish a career, and build a nest egg. I wanted to visit a baseball stadium on whim or take a last-minute vacation when I got stressed out. I wanted to be able to move across the country for a great job opportunity (for my husband or me) and not have to worry about moving kids and switching schools.

I am more than okay with my choice not have kids at this point in my life because I love the life that I have. I love that I can spend my day cropping pictures and picking out scrapbook papers. I love that I can spend hours grocery shopping and trying out a new recipe for dinner. I love that I can read a book cover to cover in one afternoon. I love that I can spend quality time with my husband. I love that I can do the things I want to do.

What I don't love is having my choices trivialized. I don't love being called selfish. I don't love that I'm viewed as superficial. I don't love that my time and how I spend it is not viewed as important or worthwhile. I don't love that my worth as a woman is measured by raising children.

Most of all, I don't love that it's socially acceptable for everyone - working moms, stay-at-home dads, and even old ladies - to verbally pass judgment on how I spend my time, and it's proper etiquette for me to keep my mouth shut and take it.

Deadliest Catch starts tonight!!!

I am very excited that Deadliest Catch Season 7 premiers tonight. I have no idea why I enjoy a show about catching crab but I really do.

I remember the first time I saw Deadliest Catch. I was living in Wisconsin, and my husband and I were laying in bed, flipping channels, and came across this show on the Discovery Channel. He said something to the effect of, "I saw this/heard about this, it's really cool" and we watched it. When they showed a simulation of the crabs crawling on the Bering Sea floor, my husband ran his fingers on my arm to imitate a crab walk and made this weird noise that sounded like gargling, blowing bubbles, and crab claws clicking - it both freaked me out and made me laugh. He still does it when we watch it, and it still makes me laugh.

Okay, maybe I know why I enjoy a show about catching crab.

Zumba

I attend a Zumba class on Tuesday mornings at the Wisconsin Athletic Club in West Allis. It's awesome. Zumba itself is fun, especially if you like to dance (which I do), and especially if you like Latin dance (which I do). I'm not a good dancer by any means, but I do have rhythm, and I just love shaking my booty - literally! But what I like most about this class is the instructor, Karen. She is enthusiastic and energetic, and I can tell that she enjoys teaching. She's encouraging without being condescending or bitchy, which I've found is a rarity for aerobics instructors. She also makes me laugh during class, which naturally makes the class more fun.

As Karen says, "Smile! It burns more calories!"

Summer tease

It is a beautiful day in Milwaukee - temperatures in the 70s and generally sunny. Of course, thunderstorms are predicted for this afternoon and, because of the 20-30 degree temperature swing, there is a possibility of tornadoes. Awesome. But I'll take it, bad weather and all.

I am beyond ready for summer. I am ready to put away the sweaters and sweatshirts and winter jackets, and break out the shorts and flip flops. I am ready for summer fruit and grilling. I am ready for a night at Miller Park (where the Milwaukee Brewers play) with the roof open. I am ready for the ethnic festivals, Summerfest, and the Wisconsin State Fair. I am ready for the best time of year in Milwaukee, the time of year that brings in voluntary visitors because Milwaukee is just that fun in the summer.

No more teasing, warm weather. It's time for you to move north and stay in Milwaukee. Just like me.

It's the hottest fires that make the hardest steel

Do you remember the Super Bowl commercials from this year? I only remember one:

I lived in Michigan for three years, and my years there overlapped with the bankruptcies of Chrysler and GM. I got goosebumps when this commercial directly addressed the critics, the politicians, and the American public when it notes that story you've heard about Detroit and about the American auto companies was "written by folks who have never even been here."

My husband and I were directly affected by the turmoil in the auto companies, and we knew many families who were affected as well. I can't describe how incredibly stressful that experience was. Well, maybe I can describe it: It was pure hell.

I'm not going to detail all that I felt, and all the BS I heard from people I counted on to support my husband and me while we were going through one of the most difficult experiences of our lives. At least not today. And frankly, I don't want to hear your opinions about it either - unless you were there, you'll never fully grasp how devastating those Congressional hearings and newspaper stories and backhanded comments really were.

Instead, I want to honor the sentiment of that commercial and show you the Detroit you haven't seen, what the newspapers didn't show you...

What a city that has been to hell and back knows about the finer things in life.

What I love about these pictures are not the pretty flowers, although I do love the pretty flowers. No, it's where I found these beautiful flowers...

... In the shadow of the General Motors headquarters.

I don't remember seeing these images on the news, do you?

I didn't especially enjoy living in Michigan, but it's a part of who I am. I learned a lot about myself from the experience, just like I learned a lot from being a housewife in Charlotte. The lessons were quite different though.

Charlotte taught me about marriage and partnership. Michigan taught me economics and politics.

Charlotte reminded me to cherish my friends and family who I didn't get to see very often. Michigan reminded me of who I could count on when the going got tough.

Charlotte helped me acknowledge my weaknesses. Michigan helped me find strength I didn't know I had.

But most of all, Michigan taught me to be resilient. Like the auto companies, and the people who worked for them or with them, I went through hell and back in Michigan. I was damaged certainly, but not broken. And like the city of Detroit, I knew that despite the turmoil I experienced, there was something beautiful growing inside me that I would would one day uncover.

Charlotte gave me time to heal. Charlotte helped me find the beauty.

Now that I'm in Milwaukee, I'm ready to incorporate those lessons I learned from Michigan and Charlotte. I'm not the same person I was when I last lived in Milwaukee. Or maybe I am the same person, but now I just understand who this person is.

I am strong. I am passionate. I am intelligent. I am flawed. I am compassionate. I am an educator, a social worker, and a new kind of housewife. I make my own rules.

Random Milwaukee observations

1. It's been almost a month, and I haven't smelled yeast from the breweries yet.

2. Highway 100 is actually 108th Street.

3. There are no Spanish restaurants here. There are tapas places, but not authentic Spanish restaurants.

4. If I liked fish, I'd be in heaven with all the fish fry specials. Since I hate fish, I wish they'd replace a fish fry with a Spanish restaurant.

5. For a state known for its cheese, I've been very disappointed in the cheese selection in the grocery stores. Smoked mozzarella please!

6. It's still cold. It's April and it is officially Spring, but I still need a sweatshirt every day. I may need another Caribbean vacation soon. 

7. My neighborhood and local shopping area are much more diverse here than in Charlotte, and that's a good thing.

8. I can find my way around with no problem, but I can't remember where most stores are. For example, I have no idea where Michaels is, but if I'm told it's at Moorland and Bluemound Road, I have no problem finding it without my navigator.

9. I'm pretty sure I-94 near Franklin was under construction when we left Wisconsin five years ago.

10. The first time we had friends over, it was like we'd never left. This really is home.

15 minute dinner

Despite all the times that I have moved over the years, I still forget how long it takes to get truly settled in a new place. I've unpacked the main parts of the house, but the basement and the attic remain full of taped-up boxes that really need to be unpacked or repacked. I've been methodically working through these boxes over the last couple of weeks, but I reached the point where I needed some help from my husband, so we spent the weekend digging through all the crap boxes of precious memories and lost treasures. We were so busy that it soon was six o'clock on Sunday night and we were both starving.

In Charlotte, six o'clock and starving meant that I'd cook the Dream Dinners entree I had defrosting in the refrigerator, and we'd be eating in 20 minutes. In Milwaukee, not so much. No Dream Dinners. No meal prep places anywhere I can find. No dinner help.

Excuse me while I get a tissue.

I'm starting my new job in a couple of weeks (yay!), but I'm going to have an even longer commute than I had in Charlotte (boo!). I know I'm going to be exhausted when I get home, especially in the first few weeks, and getting dinner on the table is going to be a challenge. And while I find cooking relaxing, I find grocery shopping stressful and I find clean up even more stressful, and that's not what I want after coming home from a long day at a new job.

So how am I going to make dinner every night? Yes, I understand I can cook in advance. Yes, I will use my crockpot. Yes, I understand I can get takeout on the really busy nights. Yes, we can go out to dinner. But all of those options either cost more than they should, aren't as healthy as home preparation, take too much time or energy, and/or will make my house messy.

Back to Sunday night. We were starving and I needed to get something on the table quickly, but after our pizza on Friday and another trip to Kopp's on Saturday, I also wanted something light and somewhat healthy. We had leftovers, but neither of us was in the mood for leftovers. That's when I remembered our go-to quick and healthy dinner: tortellini salad.

Tortellini salad is just a regular salad with cheese tortellini on top, and it's one of our favorite meals. It's also one of the meals that I can get on the table in fifteen minutes, and I almost always have the ingredients on hand because there isn't a specific recipe. I buy tortellini (or ravioli works too) when it's on sale and throw it in the freezer, and we usually have various salad ingredients in the house. My tortellini salad usually consists of romaine lettuce or spring mix, grape tomatoes or chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, gorgonzola, and whole wheat three cheese tortellini, and tossed with balsamic vinegar and EVOO. If we have leftover chicken, I'll throw that in too, but it's not necessary. Tortellini cooks incredibly fast and yet I can still chop all the vegetables and make the dressing in the time it takes to cook those little pasta nuggets.

I very easily could have thrown a frozen pizza in the oven or made a turkey sandwich with baby carrots - and we do eat those things- but tortellini salad felt more fulfilling and more dinner-like. Even though it's a salad, it still feels like a real meal because there's pasta, and pasta and a salad feels like dinner. Plus it has gorgonzola cheese, and that makes it fancy. Because I said so.

These are the types of dinners I need to have in my arsenal for my return to work - meals made with ingredients I have on hand (or I can easily stock up on in advance), that have some nutritional value, and that I can have on the table in 15-20 minutes. And really, doesn't every housewife need a list of 15 minute meals for those days when the kids have soccer practice or the end of day meeting ran late or you're just plain ol' exhausted from a day of cleaning and shopping and running errands and unpacking boxes of junk that never should've been moved? I know I do.

What are your 15 minute dinner ideas?

Pizza craving: Satisfied.

Friday night, my husband and I went to Edwardos and I finally satisfied my pizza craving.

Yum. Yum yum yum yum yum YUM.

See that cheese oozing out of the side? That's what I craved for a year and a half while living in Charlotte. And three years in Michigan before that.

Cheese. Cheese topped with pizza sauce. And then some more cheese.

One piece and I was full, which was fine because now we have leftovers!!!  Chicago-style pizza for days!

Me = Happy.

Clean all the things!!!

My house is immaculate! I cleaned all the things!

Not really. My house IS immaculate, but I didn't clean any of the things. I hired a maid service, and they come every other week and clean all the things. And you know what? I'm absolutely, completely, 100 percent okay with paying someone to clean my house, even though I am a housewife and I should be doing it myself.

In my career, I spent a lot of time trying to work on my weaknesses so that they were not impairments in my ability to do my job. And through my work with students with disabilities, and my own struggles with ADHD, I've also learned to accept limitations and/or find ways to accommodate learning or functioning differences. For example, my students who had difficulty reading were given text-to-speech software to read their textbooks to them. They gleaned the necessary information from the textbooks, just in a different way.

In my career as a housewife, I recognize I have many strengths, but cleaning is not one of them.

I tried. I made cleaning schedules. I told myself to clean one extra thing each day. I tried to put things away after I used them. And all that happened is that I got frustrated and mad because I couldn't do it, and the house just got messier and dirtier. I finally had to accept my limitations and figure out a way to accommodate them. I had to find my reading software.

Enter MaidBrigade. They clean my house for me while I am doing the sixteen other things I need or want to do in a day, and I give them a check for doing what I can't do. Yes, it's an additional expense. Yes, it's a luxury. But it's also stress relief for me. I have 32 years of life experience that tell me that I can't keep anything clean for an extended period of time (Hello! Tell-tale sign of ADHD! Blinking neon sign! Anyone?!?) Rather than listen to everyone tell me that it is my job as a housewife to clean the house and then ultimately feel like a failure at my job because I can't do this simple, normal task, I found my accommodation.

I found a way to clean all the things.

(Thanks, Allie Brosh, for my post title... AGAIN!)