"You're not normal."

For much of my life, I've been told that I'm not normal, or some variation, such as "you're weird." Yeah, I know.

I find the topics that trigger the abnormal comments very interesting. The one that triggered this post though was being surrounded by a bunch of other alums from my alma mater for our annual basketball game watching party at a local sports bar, and it had to do with the song that my alma mater plays during its introduction at the men's basketball games - "Where the Streets Have No Name" by U2. This song has been played for years, and though the game operations people have changed it at various times over the years, the alumni feedback (read: complaints) have led to making "Streets" seemingly permanent. And the alums LOVE it.

I don't get it.

A) I don't understand how this song is a pump song, B) I don't understand how this is even an option for a basketball game in 2011. C) I don't like U2.

I know some fans have a Pavlovian response to the song because it was the intro song in the early part of the decade when the team went to the Final Four. I get that. But a lot has changed since then, including the coach of the team, not to mention the obvious change in roster. I can't imagine any of them get pumped by this song either.

Apparently this means I'm not normal.

I'm pretty sure there was some sort of law that that people my age had to pay $150 to see U2 in concert in 1997, but I don't like U2 and never really have. In fact, I remember standing up in my friend's wedding in 2003 - a friend who paid $150 to see U2 in 1997 - and she chose U2's "Elevation" as the song we walked into at the reception. The random dude I stood up with made some comment about it being the greatest song ever, and I commented that I didn't really like U2, which elicted a "what the hell is wrong with you" look and a "I don't think we can walk in together" response. That would've been fine with me.

Clearly, I'm supposed to like U2. And it's also supposed to pump me up. Since it does neither, I'm not normal.

But when I really think about it, I'm not normal compared to my fellow alums or maybe even my demographics.

My alma mater has a huge problem with binge drinking. They like to pretend they don't, but I've seen the statistics and they are waaaaaaaaay above the national average. But even if they were at the national average, popular culture tells me that I should've gotten drunk at least once in college. I've never been drunk in my life, and I don't understand why I should have been, or why others believe my college life was somehow unfulfilling.

My fellow alums often reminisce about their time at the bars and frat parties, and then discuss the local restaurant establishments they frequented after to get their greasy food fix. I also never did that. Oh, I went into the most infamous one once - a chili place where people went for the cracker throwing more than the food I think - but it was because I was babysitting drunkards and was seriously outnumbered. I can only imagine that one had to be drunk to eat there because that was the only possible way to be oblivious to the multiple health code violations and disgusting food. In fact, my alumni group has gone so far as to duplicate the chili recipe and have game watching parties where they eat that stuff voluntarily, while reminiscing about all the awesome times they had watching basketball, getting drunk, and eating chili - not necessarily in that order, though. I've insisted that we NOT do that again, largely because it's disgusting, but also because that was not my experience in college.

But you know, that's because I'm not normal.

As an adult, and as a professional, I've realized that being perceived as not normal has made me into the person that I am, and it is what makes me successful in my multiple roles in life. If I had followed my college peers, I probably wouldn't have ended up with my husband. I also wouldn't have soberly witnessed the drunken behavior of my classmates, and drawn attention to an ugly trend developing before the college administration wanted to acknowledge it was ugly - that my university has a problem with alcohol abuse. I also recognized that this trend wasn't college specific, like most in the the university community wanted to believe. Rather, research now shows that students engage in binge drinking behavior for years after they graduate from college. It's not about a "normal college experience" anymore - young adults are regularly drinking to get drunk. It's a growing trend and therefore "normal," but I am 100% confident that that behavior is not normal, nor is it healthy or safe.

My career path has certainly not followed a normal career trajectory, but in my profession, that's actually pretty normal. People tend to "fall into" what I do, rather than intentionally choose to work in student and academic affairs. I mean really, how many ten year olds think "I want to be an academic advisor when I grow up!" How many ten year olds know what an academic advisor is? Regardless of the path, the programs that I chose to work in are certainly not normal, especially considering my background. For one, I'm White. I'm sorry if that shocks you in some way - both that I am White and that I acknowledge it so bluntly - but I am. And the reality that I am White, and that I acknowledge that I am, actually means something in my profession because most of the students I serve are not White. I also grew up in a middle to upper middle class family and attended upper middle class schools. The students I serve generally come from low-income families and attend(ed) horrible schools - the kind that most in my profession don't believe exist. Thus, the perception is that I have nothing in common with my students, that I couldn't possibly understand their life experiences, and therefore there is no way I would be an effective advisor. And yet I am. I'm damn good. So maybe I'm not the "normal" advisor, but my students are successful, and that's all that matters. I choose to be abnormal and have my students graduate from college.
I've never really done what is perceived as normal. It's not because I intentionally went against the grain; I think I was largely unaware of what was happening around me. My dad used to tell me, "Be aware of your surroundings!" because I often lived in my imagination, and forgot to look out for things like traffic. Because of this fantasy land I created for myself, I didn't notice trends or patterns of behavior. I just did what seemed right for me in the world I created. And what was right for me was often different than what was right for a majority of other people. It meant that I was frequently teased and, when I did became aware that I was doing something that was not the socially-accepted "norm," I felt out of place or ostracized. Most frequently I felt misunderstood. I don't mean that in the "parents just don't understand" way, though I definitely felt that too. I mean it in the sense that I had an explanation as to why I made my choices or why I behaved in a certain way that seemed perfectly logical to me- but nobody bothered to ask me - or really, nobody bothered to listen or understand. And even though I sometimes felt like I didn't fit in, it wasn't enough for me to change who I was or what I believed in - or who I am and what I believe in. And I know that peer pressure should make me want to change, and that my resistance to doing so makes me weird, but I'm okay with it.

I guess that's just another reason I'm not normal.