The Corporate Wife PSA

This morning, I watched my husband and twenty of his male co-workers play flag football. The game was actually a charity fundraiser, though I'm not exactly sure how that worked - I think everyone that played contributed $10 and then the organizer gave the money to A Child's Place. Regardless, a bunch of out of shape, banker-type guys decided to get together on a beautiful fall day to play football.

I decided to go because I have an irrational fear that my husband is going to end up in the ER if I'm not there. I suppose it's not entirely irrational - he once went to a weekend-long bachelor party and ended up in the ER(to get a few stitches) after taking a basketball in the face. But when I think of him playing flag football with his co-workers, I'm more concerned about broken fingers and ankles, pulled hamstrings, and torn ACLs (my biggest fear) because most of these guys are weekend warriors. For the record, my husband is in great shape and left the game mostly unscathed - he may have a bruise or two but nothing serious. His co-workers, however, are going to be sore for the next week. And I did have to buddy tape a dislocated pinky finger for one of his co-workers. That was kinda gross.

Anyway, I wasn't the only wife on the sideline. The organizer's wife was there taking pictures, and a couple of other girlfriends and wives arrived later. After a few minutes of small talk with the women, I wanted to be out on the field with the boys. Instead I took out my Kindle and pretended to read.

Maybe it's because I've been married for eight years and with my husband for fourteen years, maybe it's because I'm in my thirties, or maybe it's because I don't really relate to women very well, but I felt like I had nothing in common with these women. I could go on a rant about what they were talking about and bore you with all the details of what was said, but I was bored and annoyed by them and I don't feel that you should be too. I'm nice like that.

But let me just say this - I've been a corporate wife for eight years and I've learned a few things about how to behave when we get together with work people. It's one thing when we're with co-workers and their families from different departments - people who are more like friends and colleagues - but it's completely different when we're with supervisors or supervisees. Even though we may be out of the office and in a more casual setting, the boss is still the boss. And the boss's wife (or husband) will pass along any information that is shared to the boss, and that information can influence any future social invitations. And believe me, those social invitations are important - probably more important than they should be. But that's the corporate game.

So here's my PSA for all the corporate girlfriends, future corporate wives, and current corporate wives - it's never okay to discuss your sex life with your boyfriend's boss's wife. I can't believe I actually have to write that, but after hearing the conversations today, apparently not everyone knows this. It's especially not okay to discuss your sex life when you live in the Bible Belt, where not everyone shares the same carefree attitudes towards sex on the first date or even premarital sex as, say, a 22 year old, recent college grad from Florida State. Hypothetically-speaking of course. And frankly, if any of the wives of the people my husband supervises said anything like that to me, I'd make sure my husband knew what was being said about his employee - not because of my own religious or personal beliefs, but because I don't like when strangers tell me about their sex lives. My husband probably wouldn't care, but in the corporate wife world, it would make a difference. Can you imagine taking a client and his wife out to dinner and discussing getting drunk and having sex in a hot tub? Seriously, I still can't believe I have to write this. It's not okay.

Now, I may not have left a great impression because I ignored the conversation and pretended to read while they were talking. I own that. But none of those wives and girlfriends have significant others who work with my husband so I'm not particularly concerned. And I did notice when the guy dislocated his finger, and I hiked back to the car to get the tape and an instant ice pack out of my husband's soccer bag.

And guess who noticed and thanked me and my husband for that? The CFO.

I guess sometimes it pays to be an anti-social, irrationally fearful, corporate wife.