Do you watch this show on the Style Network? It's my new favorite reality television show. I watched the first two seasons off and on, but I am hooked on the third season.
The first and second seasons focused on being newlyweds, adapting to their new living arrangements, building their house, etc., but also provided glimpses into their professional lives as well. The second season also touched on starting a family and difficulties getting pregnant, with Giuliana unsuccessfully undergoing IUI.
Thus far, the third season has focused on getting pregnant. Giuliana went through IVF and got pregnant! She and Bill bought their "family home in the suburbs" and began planning for life with kids, but then they suffered a miscarriage at eight weeks. That episode, and the one that followed, were just heartbreaking to me. Both Giuliana and Bill were hurting, but they expressed it in very different ways. Bill threw himself into working on the house, trying to be encouraging and positive, while Giuliana reached out to friends and saw a therapist to address her sadness. And I admit to tearing up a bit when she asked her therapist, "Why are we being punished?"
I think it's really brave of them to talk about infertility and miscarriage on television. They've said that they want to erase the stigma associated with miscarriage, and I hope they do. I know so many people who have gone through this horrible experience, and they've kept it private or have felt ashamed, but they're not alone. I hope that the show will help others in the same situation.
Okay, first off, of course I watch and love this show! They are so cute!
ReplyDeleteBut...I also wrote her an email to thank them for being so public about their infertility and miscarriage. Surprisingly, given that I have two biological children, we struggled with both and when I tried to find any information or books or something...there was NOTHING! I felt so alone, but decided to share it with other people. Turns out I had a lot of friends who had suffered loss in private (and felt alone)! 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage...but no one ever tells you that, so the feeling of failure, etc. is just awful!
Anyway, I did find how they dealt with it so differently really interesting too. Especially because I know how deep my husband felt our losses, but he kind of did the same thing in playing "the strong one." The gender roles we assume in life are very intriguing.
Okay, sorry for the book here, but I was very excited to see your post! :-)
This is actually interesting to me - I had a coworker go through this twice and she personally wrote me and another girl my age an e-mail about it, because she had similar thoughts as you two:
ReplyDeleteHey gals,
I also wanted to share with you the same news I shared with my group (she had written her staff an e-mail to let them know why she had suddenly taken off work for a week), if you haven't heard this from one of them already. I consider it a public service that I can do now, to let young women who might be of childbearing age know that this is an unfortunately common thing, and know that you have someone to talk to if this should ever happen to you. I hadn't really ever heard of anyone else who had went through it, and it was a really lonely type of feeling. So if I can prevent anyone else from feeling like they're alone should it ever happen to them, that's what I want to do.
But, I would like to report that this story had a happy ending, and she had a healthy baby girl about 3 months ago. :)
It is so common, and it makes me sad that we don't talk about it! I think women are more willing to talk about difficulties getting pregnant, but there's still a stigma associated with not carrying a baby to term. I also find it so interesting that the standard "rule" is not to share pregnancy until after the first trimester, just in case something happens - it's like society has decided that it is so shameful to suffer a miscarriage that we should never talk about it.
ReplyDeleteHeather, I like you comment about the gender roles, I had the same thought. I think the downside to that is that there's an expectation that women handle the situation like men - buck up, get back on the horse, and try again! And though most women do try again, it's not immediate. Bodies and hearts have to heal.